{"id":88513,"date":"2022-10-09T10:08:00","date_gmt":"2022-10-09T08:08:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/?p=88513"},"modified":"2022-10-07T17:04:04","modified_gmt":"2022-10-07T15:04:04","slug":"meskosc-a-zaburzenia-odzywiania","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/meskosc-a-zaburzenia-odzywiania\/","title":{"rendered":"Ch\u0142opiec z czarn\u0105 dziur\u0105 w \u015brodku, czyli o zaburzeniach od\u017cywiania"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">W mojej rodzinie kr\u0105\u017cy anegdotka o tym, \u017ce kiedy mia\u0142em 3, 4, mo\u017ce 5 lat &#8211; a wtedy byli\u015bmy biedni i wiele produkt\u00f3w to by\u0142 rarytas &#8211; na pytanie, o co chcia\u0142bym prosi\u0107 \u015bwi\u0119tego Miko\u0142aja, odpowiedzia\u0142em, \u017ce <em>o kanapeczk\u0119 z \u017c\u00f3\u0142tym serkiem<\/em>. <\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Moja mama wspomina to do dzi\u015b. Zachwycona, jak \u2013 nomen omen \u2013 s\u0142odki wtedy by\u0142em i jak niewiele by\u0142o mi potrzeba do szcz\u0119\u015bcia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce\u2026<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Odk\u0105d pami\u0119tam by\u0142em gruby. Przez wi\u0119kszo\u015b\u0107 swojego \u017cycia by\u0142em gruby. Pami\u0119tam wielki brzuch mojego taty, kt\u00f3ry przes\u0142ania mi \u015bwiat i nic zza niego nie wida\u0107. Pami\u0119tam, jak m\u00f3j tata mnie wyzywa od grubasa, chocia\u017c sam ma spor\u0105 nadwag\u0119. Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce jako dziecko podkrada\u0142em jedzenie, kiedy nikt nie patrzy\u0142. Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce dojada\u0142em kanapki po mojej kuzynce, kt\u00f3ra by\u0142a niejadk\u0105. Pami\u0119tam moje wypchane policzki, kiedy pr\u00f3buj\u0119 ukry\u0107 w nich jedzenie, kt\u00f3re przed chwil\u0105 ze wstydem zjad\u0142em. Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce wielki brzuch mojego taty mnie obrzydza\u0142. Pami\u0119tam, jak pierwszy raz zorientowa\u0142em si\u0119, \u017ce bycie grubym jest z\u0142e, kiedy dzieci w przedszkolu wyzywa\u0142y mnie od kie\u0142basy. Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce kiedy pierwszy raz w \u017cyciu powa\u017cnie si\u0119 odchudzi\u0142em, nabawi\u0142em si\u0119 powa\u017cnej kontuzji kr\u0119gos\u0142upa, kt\u00f3ra jest ze mn\u0105 do dzi\u015b. Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce kiedy du\u017co jad\u0142em, uszcz\u0119\u015bliwia\u0142em osoby w mojej rodzinie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce m\u00f3j tata by\u0142 zadowolony, kiedy du\u017co jad\u0142. Odk\u0105d pami\u0119tam moja mama by\u0142a na jakiej\u015b diecie. Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce ci\u0105gle si\u0119 odchudza\u0142a, chocia\u017c zawsze by\u0142a szczup\u0142a. Pami\u0119tam niesmak na widok swojego grubego cia\u0142a. Pami\u0119tam satysfakcj\u0119, kiedy uda\u0142o mi si\u0119 osi\u0105gn\u0105\u0107 p\u0142aski brzuch. Pami\u0119tam pogard\u0119 siebie chudego wobec siebie grubego. Pami\u0119tam l\u0119k, \u017ce obrzydzam sob\u0105 innych ludzi. Pami\u0119tam l\u0119k, \u017ce obrzydzam innych, kiedy jem. Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce kilka razy w \u017cyciu wywo\u0142ywa\u0142em u siebie wymioty, gdy bole\u015bnie si\u0119 przejad\u0142em. Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce wielokrotnie si\u0119 g\u0142odzi\u0142em. Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce nie zawsze potrafi\u0142em rozpozna\u0107 u siebie g\u0142\u00f3d. Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce cz\u0119sto go ignorowa\u0142em i czerpa\u0142em z tego satysfakcj\u0119. Pami\u0119tam, \u017ce wkurza\u0142y mnie osoby szczup\u0142e, kt\u00f3re narzeka\u0142y, \u017ce s\u0105 za chude. Pami\u0119tam swoj\u0105 dzik\u0105 rado\u015b\u0107, kiedy jako doros\u0142y zobaczy\u0142em na wadze 78 kg &#8211; najni\u017csz\u0105 liczb\u0119 kilogram\u00f3w w swoim \u017cyciu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"instagram-media\" data-instgrm-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/CZrB09zrjNe\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" data-instgrm-version=\"14\" style=\" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);\"><div style=\"padding:16px;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/CZrB09zrjNe\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"> <div style=\" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;\"> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><div style=\"padding: 19% 0;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;\"><svg width=\"50px\" height=\"50px\" viewBox=\"0 0 60 60\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"https:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" xmlns:xlink=\"https:\/\/www.w3.org\/1999\/xlink\"><g stroke=\"none\" stroke-width=\"1\" fill=\"none\" fill-rule=\"evenodd\"><g transform=\"translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)\" fill=\"#000000\"><g><path d=\"M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631\"><\/path><\/g><\/g><\/g><\/svg><\/div><div style=\"padding-top: 8px;\"> <div style=\" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;\">Wy\u015bwietl ten post na Instagramie<\/div><\/div><div style=\"padding: 12.5% 0;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;\"><div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: 8px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: auto;\"> <div style=\" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);\"><\/div><\/div><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;\"><\/div><\/div><\/a><p style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/CZrB09zrjNe\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Post udost\u0119pniony przez Grupa Performatywna Ch\u0142opaki (@grupaperformatywnachlopaki)<\/a><\/p><\/div><\/blockquote> <script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/www.instagram.com\/embed.js\"><\/script>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Wstyd, rado\u015b\u0107, spe\u0142nienie, satysfakcja, przejedzenie, nienawi\u015b\u0107, wype\u0142nienie, przepe\u0142nienie, odci\u0119cie, niedostatek, bezradno\u015b\u0107, smutek, komfort, g\u0142\u00f3d, szcz\u0119\u015bcie, cierpienie, kompulsja. Kiedy my\u015bl\u0119 sobie o mojej relacji z jedzeniem, czuj\u0119 zm\u0119czenie. Zm\u0119czenie samym sob\u0105, zm\u0119czenie moj\u0105 relacj\u0105 z t\u0105 czynno\u015bci\u0105. I nic w tym dziwnego, skoro wi\u0105\u017ce si\u0119 z ni\u0105 tyle uczu\u0107 i stan\u00f3w. Sam ten felieton zaczyna\u0142em pisa\u0107 kilka razy, bo nie wiedzia\u0142em od czego zacz\u0105\u0107 i jak opowiada\u0107 o tym obszarze swojego \u017cycia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Love and hate<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Od ma\u0142ego pami\u0119tam napi\u0119cie zwi\u0105zane z jedzeniem, rozci\u0105gaj\u0105ce si\u0119 na dw\u00f3ch biegunach. Bo z jednej strony, kiedy jad\u0142em, by\u0142em szcz\u0119\u015bliwy, odczuwa\u0142em przyjemno\u015b\u0107 i czu\u0142em si\u0119 kochany. Widzia\u0142em te\u017c, jak uszcz\u0119\u015bliwiam swoj\u0105 mam\u0119, babci\u0119 czy cioci\u0119, zjadaj\u0105c to, co przygotowa\u0142y. Z drugiej strony z obrzydzeniem obserwowa\u0142em swojego ojca, kt\u00f3ry jad\u0142 du\u017co, t\u0142usto, niezdrowo i \u0142apczywie, o jedzenie robi\u0142 awantury (np. wtedy kiedy dosta\u0142 mniej ode mnie), krytykowa\u0142 moj\u0105 mam\u0119 (cho\u0107 sam nie gotowa\u0142) albo wychwala\u0142 z pozycji pana, kt\u00f3remu i tak si\u0119 nale\u017ca\u0142o.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"instagram-media\" data-instgrm-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/CZwGVjirLbm\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" data-instgrm-version=\"14\" style=\" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);\"><div style=\"padding:16px;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/CZwGVjirLbm\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"> <div style=\" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;\"> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><div style=\"padding: 19% 0;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;\"><svg width=\"50px\" height=\"50px\" viewBox=\"0 0 60 60\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"https:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" xmlns:xlink=\"https:\/\/www.w3.org\/1999\/xlink\"><g stroke=\"none\" stroke-width=\"1\" fill=\"none\" fill-rule=\"evenodd\"><g transform=\"translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)\" fill=\"#000000\"><g><path d=\"M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631\"><\/path><\/g><\/g><\/g><\/svg><\/div><div style=\"padding-top: 8px;\"> <div style=\" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;\">Wy\u015bwietl ten post na Instagramie<\/div><\/div><div style=\"padding: 12.5% 0;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;\"><div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: 8px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: auto;\"> <div style=\" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);\"><\/div><\/div><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;\"><\/div><\/div><\/a><p style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/CZwGVjirLbm\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Post udost\u0119pniony przez Grupa Performatywna Ch\u0142opaki (@grupaperformatywnachlopaki)<\/a><\/p><\/div><\/blockquote> <script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/www.instagram.com\/embed.js\"><\/script>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Wyrastaj\u0105c w takich schematach, szybko nauczy\u0142em si\u0119, \u017ce jedzenie to narz\u0119dzie kontroli i \u0142atwodost\u0119pny spos\u00f3b samoregulacji. Chc\u0119 si\u0119 nagrodzi\u0107 \u2013 zjem co\u015b. Chc\u0119 si\u0119 ukara\u0107 \u2013 zjem co\u015b. Chc\u0119 sobie dopierdoli\u0107 \u2013 zjem co\u015b. Nie chc\u0119 czu\u0107 trudnych emocji \u2013 zjem co\u015b. Chc\u0119 poczu\u0107 przyjemno\u015b\u0107 \u2013 zjem co\u015b. Chc\u0119 si\u0119 dowarto\u015bciowa\u0107 \u2013 g\u0142odz\u0119 si\u0119. I cho\u0107 moja relacja z jedzeniem jest ambiwalentna, rozpi\u0119ta na biegunach mi\u0142o\u015bci i nienawi\u015bci, nape\u0142nienia i pustki; a do tego dochodzi polskie przekonanie, kt\u00f3rym by\u0142em karmiony (sic!) w mojej rodzinie, \u017ce ch\u0142opiec i m\u0119\u017cczyzna, kt\u00f3rzy du\u017co jedz\u0105 lub maj\u0105 nadwag\u0119 czy oty\u0142o\u015b\u0107, to po prostu zdrowe ch\u0142opy; to bilans dla mnie jest prosty \u2013 cz\u0119\u015bciej wybiera\u0142em przejadanie si\u0119, ni\u017c g\u0142odzenie. W zwi\u0105zku z tym przez wi\u0119kszo\u015b\u0107 swojego \u017cycia by\u0142em gruby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>By\u0142em gruby i cierpia\u0142em. Cierpia\u0142em z powodu kompleks\u00f3w, s\u0142abej kondycji, ograniczonej sprawno\u015bci. Cierpia\u0142em, bo jako dziecko by\u0142em wyzywany i wy\u015bmiewany przez inne dzieci. Cierpia\u0142em, bo od ma\u0142ego ros\u0142a we mnie wewn\u0119trzna pustka, kt\u00f3r\u0105 pr\u00f3bowa\u0142em zape\u0142ni\u0107 jedzeniem, a to powodowa\u0142o wi\u0119cej cierpienia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Autoagresja jako spos\u00f3b na zbli\u017cenie si\u0119 do ojca<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Dopiero teraz jako \u015bwiadomy doros\u0142y odkrywam, co kryje si\u0119 za moimi schematami \u017cywieniowymi. Odkrywam w sobie ch\u0142opca z czarn\u0105 dziur\u0105 w \u015brodku. Czarn\u0105 dziur\u0105, kt\u00f3ra powsta\u0142a w miejscu braku ojca. Bo cho\u0107 fizycznie mieszkali\u015bmy pod jednym dachem, co zaznacza\u0142 na moim ciele \u015bladami wpierdolu. To emocjonalnie w moim \u017cyciu go nie by\u0142o, co zaznacza\u0142 w mojej psychice pogard\u0105, krzykiem i wyzwiskami.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"has-text-align-center has-background wp-block-heading\" style=\"background-color:#feff05\"><a href=\"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/euforia-i-chemseks-kamil-bloch-meskosc\/\">Sprawd\u017a te\u017c: chemseks, czyli o samotno\u015bci chemicznego seksu<\/a><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>A \u017ce od ma\u0142ego si\u0119 go ba\u0142em, a p\u00f3\u017aniej go nienawidzi\u0142em, to w zwi\u0105zku z tym, wypiera\u0142em, \u017ce mi go brakuje. A im bardziej to wypiera\u0142em, tym bardziej brak by\u0142 wi\u0119kszy. I tym bardziej pr\u00f3bowa\u0142em go zape\u0142ni\u0107. Jedz\u0105c \u0142apczywie, kompulsywnie, byle jak. A wi\u0119c robi\u0142em to samo, co m\u00f3j tata. Tym samym pr\u00f3buj\u0105c, nie\u015bwiadomie a symbolicznie, by\u0107 bli\u017cej niego.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Autoagresja jako pr\u00f3ba dania sobie mi\u0142o\u015bci<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Jednak to nie koniec rozsup\u0142ywania zagadki moich skomplikowanych nawyk\u00f3w jedzeniowych. Przez ca\u0142e dzieci\u0144stwo nie mia\u0142em \u017cadnych w\u0105tpliwo\u015bci, co do relacji z moj\u0105 mam\u0105. Kocha\u0142a mnie. Ja kocha\u0142em j\u0105. By\u0142em dla niej najwa\u017cniejszy. I kropka. Karmienie mnie by\u0142o i jest j\u0119zykiem mi\u0142o\u015bci mojej mamy. A \u017ce kocha mnie bezgranicznie, to i bezgranicznie mnie karmi\u0142a. Od ma\u0142ego by\u0142em przez ni\u0105 rozpieszczany jedzeniem. Ale kiedy jako doros\u0142a osoba, zaczyna\u0142em by\u0107 coraz bardziej \u015bwiadomy swoich potrzeb, w tym \u017cywieniowych, tym bardziej dostrzega\u0142em, \u017ce moja mama je ignoruje. Pyta, co ugotowa\u0107, nak\u0142ania do jedzenia, chce serwowa\u0107 dok\u0142adki, odwiedzaj\u0105c mnie, przywozi jedzenie, kt\u00f3rego nie chcia\u0142em. Zrozumia\u0142em, \u017ce replikuj\u0119 ten schemat na sobie samym. Jedzenia u\u017cywam, \u017ceby w deficycie samoukochania obdarza\u0107 si\u0119 mi\u0142o\u015bci\u0105, jednocze\u015bnie kompletnie ignoruj\u0105c mo\u017cliwo\u015bci swojego cia\u0142a wobec tego, ile tak naprawd\u0119 tego jedzenia potrzebuj\u0119.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"instagram-media\" data-instgrm-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/B6JQy16Hh6y\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" data-instgrm-version=\"14\" style=\" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);\"><div style=\"padding:16px;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/B6JQy16Hh6y\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"> <div style=\" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;\"> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><div style=\"padding: 19% 0;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;\"><svg width=\"50px\" height=\"50px\" viewBox=\"0 0 60 60\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"https:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" xmlns:xlink=\"https:\/\/www.w3.org\/1999\/xlink\"><g stroke=\"none\" stroke-width=\"1\" fill=\"none\" fill-rule=\"evenodd\"><g transform=\"translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)\" fill=\"#000000\"><g><path d=\"M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631\"><\/path><\/g><\/g><\/g><\/svg><\/div><div style=\"padding-top: 8px;\"> <div style=\" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;\">Wy\u015bwietl ten post na Instagramie<\/div><\/div><div style=\"padding: 12.5% 0;\"><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;\"><div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;\"><\/div> <div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: 8px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)\"><\/div><\/div><div style=\"margin-left: auto;\"> <div style=\" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);\"><\/div> <div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);\"><\/div><\/div><\/div> <div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;\"> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;\"><\/div> <div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;\"><\/div><\/div><\/a><p style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/B6JQy16Hh6y\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Post udost\u0119pniony przez Kamil B\u0142och &#8211; wiersze (@kamil__bloch__wiersze)<\/a><\/p><\/div><\/blockquote> <script async=\"\" src=\"\/\/www.instagram.com\/embed.js\"><\/script>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Sztuka balansu<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Jako doros\u0142y facet szukam dla siebie balansu. Ci\u0105gle si\u0119 ucz\u0119 rozpoznawania i zaspokojania swoich g\u0142\u0119bokich potrzeb, wobec nawyk\u00f3w zapewnienia sobie powierzchownego, wzgl\u0119dnego poczucia komfortu. Rozsup\u0142uj\u0119 swoje schematy jedzeniowe i ucz\u0119 si\u0119, jak by\u0107 dla siebie \u0142agodny. Coraz lepiej dogaduj\u0119 si\u0119 swoim cia\u0142em. Coraz lepiej je rozumiem. Ucz\u0119 si\u0119 te\u017c dyscypliny i samokontroli. Doceniam, jak du\u017co mi daj\u0105 i jak pozwalaj\u0105 mi zadba\u0107 o siebie. Jednocze\u015bnie ucz\u0119 si\u0119 sobie wybacza\u0107, kiedy wybior\u0119 sobie wbrew. Ucz\u0119 si\u0119, jak by\u0107 szcz\u0119\u015bliwy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Zapraszam Ci\u0119 do pos\u0142uchania odcinka podkastu \u201eCzu\u0142a M\u0119sko\u015b\u0107\u201d Grupy Performatywnej Ch\u0142opaki, w kt\u00f3rym szerzej wraz z innymi Ch\u0142opakami opowiadamy o naszym m\u0119skim kr\u0119gu. Po dw\u00f3ch latach cotygodniowych spotka\u0144, dzielimy si\u0119 tym, co da\u0142 nam kr\u0105g m\u0119\u017cczyzn i opowiadamy bardziej szczeg\u00f3\u0142owo, jak taki kr\u0105g wygl\u0105da.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-spotify wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-spotify wp-embed-aspect-21-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\nhttps:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/1Vc4iEycWDJYxJzR9ePhCh?si=2pH3_gEHQI-fHF7UvbsMpA\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Autorem tekstu jest Kamil B\u0142och&nbsp;<\/strong>\u2013 m\u0119\u017cczyzna queerowy, osoba tw\u00f3rcza; trener antyprzemocowy; wsp\u00f3\u0142tw\u00f3rca&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/grupaperformatywnachlopaki\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Grupy Performatywnej Ch\u0142opaki<\/a>&nbsp;i Fundacji Czu\u0142ych M\u0119\u017cczyzn; wsp\u00f3\u0142tworzy i inicjuje kr\u0119gi m\u0119\u017cczyzn, dzia\u0142a na rzecz czu\u0142ej m\u0119sko\u015bci; aktor, re\u017cyser, poeta i piosenkopisarz; amator wolnych chwil i dobrego towarzystwa; \u017cywe srebro i sama rado\u015b\u0107<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>W mojej rodzinie kr\u0105\u017cy anegdotka o tym, \u017ce kiedy mia\u0142em 3, 4, mo\u017ce 5 lat &#8211; a wtedy byli\u015bmy biedni i wiele produkt\u00f3w to by\u0142 rarytas &#8211; na pytanie, o co chcia\u0142bym prosi\u0107 \u015bwi\u0119tego Miko\u0142aja, odpowiedzia\u0142em, \u017ce o kanapeczk\u0119 z \u017c\u00f3\u0142tym serkiem. Moja mama wspomina to do dzi\u015b. Zachwycona, jak \u2013 nomen omen \u2013 s\u0142odki&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":53,"featured_media":88514,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_wpscppro_custom_social_share_image":0,"_facebook_share_type":"","_twitter_share_type":"","_linkedin_share_type":"","_pinterest_share_type":"","_linkedin_share_type_page":"","_instagram_share_type":"","_selected_social_profile":[]},"categories":[28],"tags":[4512,5211,5360],"thb-sponsors":[],"class_list":["post-88513","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinie","tag-chlopaki","tag-meskosc","tag-toksyczna-meskosc","parent_cat_opinie"],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-04-23 00:41:26","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category"},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88513"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/53"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=88513"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88513\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":88531,"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88513\/revisions\/88531"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/88514"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=88513"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=88513"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=88513"},{"taxonomy":"thb-sponsors","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goingapp.pl\/more\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/thb-sponsors?post=88513"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}